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Saturday, February 13, 2010
Poof*.. and almost half a year have flew past us. Though in the army really makes the time slow, and unbearable, but I must still admit that time does fly fast. Just look at blogger. I believe it was here since I was like primary school, and till I am in the army, it is still here. Similarly, many of my different friends and acquaintances that I have made, have also branched out on different paths in pursuit of each of our dreams.
It's the eve of CNY. As I take my long awaited chance to surf the net for past memories, I feel a certain sense of nostalgism. It's only now 361 days to my long awaited ORD. What will the future hold? The future is one that is filled with promise, and at the same time, fear. Promise because of the many things that we will embark on that will fulfil and enrich our lives. Fear because we only know what we want to see at the end. We do not know how the path to there will look like. What treacherous obstacles await us? One can only hope for the best.
5 years. A GCE 'N' level student time taken to complete his or her 'O' levels. it's neither short nor too long. Or should I rephrase, depends on how one look at things. Seeing people I know boarding that "steel bird" to fly off to attempt to fulfil their dreams, make me think and try to predict how things will be like when it comes to my turn. The family, friends, and most importantly, my love, that I will be leaving behind certainly bring tears to my eyes. I keep trying to psycho myself that I will be able to experience new things, new culture and sorts. But as all economics educated people, one will know that every action will have an opportunity cost. Is this cost too much for me to bear? I dunno. In our blind pursit of personal glory, do we forgo all these important kinship?
That question, I will never have the answer. Life is so puzzling. But it is because of this than it wii have its beauty. 2010,2011,2012,2013,2014, and beyond, here I come!
When Will I Be Brave Again?? out
@ |2:08 AM|
2009 seemed to past so fast. It's already the month of August already. When I woke up on Monday, the 1st day of my MC, I saw a very peculiar and familiar desktop calendar lying flat on my study desk, which by now, is full of dust and perhaps cobwebs. The month stopped at March. It made me how involved my life had with been the army that I totally forgot about the front part of 2009 when I was a teacher back at schools. But I guess, it's every Singaporean men's responsibility to defend and protect the place we call home. With National day looming near, I feel a sense of pride. A sense of honour. Call me crazy or whatever, but looking back, I feel quite proud that I have done what I done in the past 4 months for this little island called Singapore.
They say that 2 years will fly past like a blink of an eye. I am still awaiting for the day that I can shake my Unit's CO hand and say that it was an enjoyable and memmorable NS life. Well, I have to keep blinking don't I. Cos it's 1 year and 6 more months.
Random thoughts: As much as we lament about the situation that we are currently in, we can't change the world to suit us. As such, winners are those that can adapt themselves to the situation =)
When Will I Be Brave Again?? out
@ |4:05 PM|
Standing at my grandma's graveyard today, I felt a sense of sorry. I am not a good person. I have offended and committed cardinal sins. Was 2 years ago that promise that I made not special?? Our lives pass by us so fast. There isn't a point of time where we can sit back and enjoy living. We live for different reasons. Some for fame, wealth, or other myriad of factors. But what we all must live for is happiness. But what is happiness?? Who can dare say what constitues happiness. Isit bein able to conquer the world, or just plain sitting at home and having enough food on the table to enjoy.
I want to do things. But in my pursuit of such things, am I making a mistake. That being said, what constitutes a mistake?? Sometimes perfection and too demanding is just a thin line seperating those 2. Life. So exciting since we dunno wat tml brings. Yet, so scary because of that similar reason. I ought to learn to let go. Let go of the past and look forward. But there must be a forward for me to envision 1st b4 I can proceed. Wat use with positive outlook and nothing will come out of pure trust in hope that isn't even there in the 1st place.
IS my life good?? On the surface it may seem that many things are going okay for me. But deep down, life isn't good. I know. Mayb I am too perfectionist for any1 to stand. But, I guess when fate comes and face you, you either stand up against it bravely or crumble and accept what you have.
It's late and I guess I will leave those thoughts to materialize in dreams.
Random thoughts: Dreams are really the opposite of reality.
When Will I Be Brave Again?? out
@ |2:05 AM|
SO many things have happened over a period of 1+ months.. Sometimes, I wish that my life weren't so happening.. Too much already. Too much disappoinment. Too much Sadness. Is this my fate?? Many a times, I ask secretly to the stars shining brightly at night whether are they too mean. To bless me with such a "wonderful" life. 5 years of hardship.. that's what I am looking at. I don't even know how this 2009 will turn out to be. Will it end properly?
What is happiness? I don't even noe already. Mayb I am too used to being a failure that I am numb when it comes to happiness. I dont even noe whether did this word ever live in my life?? Even if it did, it must just be a brief spell. What to expect? I dont even noe how my life will turn out to be. On the surface, it may look like I have everything. But the truth is that I am running on empty. People have happy thoughts to look back on and push forward. For me, I have only sadness to look back and be emo. When did I actually smile from my heart?? It seems that my face and my heart must be totally disconnected already.
LOLss..........................................................................................................................................................................................
When Will I Be Brave Again?? out
@ |11:13 PM|
Also, the 'A' level results are coming out soon. Seeing some sec4s get their 'O's, I suddenly was quite fearful. Now does not matter, it is the future that's the ultimate aim of every1. I wish things will b fine. I noe I did not do much. However, if given the chane to turn back time, I will turn back and wish that things will be much better. COm is lagging.. Wat the lol.. Wat kind of com is this. LOLx.. MOE really cut cost.
This 2009 I can say is really normal. Not that spectecular. Stellar results. I pray. I still miss going to AJC. In the morning I will wake up hoping to go sch. If I could turn back time, my JC life I will treasure more and cherish more. It's been a regret for me. Though nothing is confirmed yet, but I am scared. I am really scared. This JC seems different from secondary school. We are less being taken care of and help is not as readily available as before.
Tired.. Hope that we can make it. I need 'US' insted of "me"
When Will I Be Brave Again?? out
@ |12:58 PM|